day one: it all begins

This blogger journal will be a clean and simple place for me to expunge my thought processes and plans for success in my current endeavor to become a happier and healthier me. We'll start with my brand-spanking-new personal mantra that will get me where I want to be:

"I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be a happier, healthier me."

I've accepted that I will never be Kate Moss. I'm reminded of this picture whenever I think of my failed attempts at losing weight and becoming thin. But I've finally realized that a rhino can never become a unicorn. I will never become someone I simply can not become. 

I can lose weight, I can get to a healthy weight and size for my body type, but I will never become a stick-thin model, and I no longer want to. I don't know why I ever did! Who wants to walk around afraid of a strong breeze? Certainly not me. I like my curves, I like my breasts, I like my hips and butt. But I hate my stomach, I hate the extra weight on my short frame, I hate the size clothes I have to buy. These things I can change, these things I can fix.

I want to walk down the street and not think that people are feeling sorry for me because of how big I am. I want to think that perhaps that guy glanced twice at me because he thought I was sexy or pretty. I've never felt that way before, and it's something I want. I want to knock the socks off one guy I'm dying to meet, and will hopefully meet sometime in the not-so-distant-but-not-tomorrow future. I want to smile into the mirror.

I want, oh so badly, to be able to shop in the sections of the clothing stores where all the cute clothes are. I want to be able to shop the sales racks with confidence. You bigger girls out there like me know that the sales racks in our sections of the stores are atrocious and better left unperused for fear of deeming yourself only worthy of wearing the things blind batty old ladies wouldn't even wear.

I want to wear cute little camis and shorts and sundresses and capris and business slacks. I want to wear pants that aren't too tight around the middle and four sizes too big around my legs. I want the crotch to be in the right place on my pants and not have that annoying extra poof of fabric beneath my ass. I want these things, and I will have them. 

Today is Day One of the journey to an improved me. I'm building a healthy and happy body, mind, and soul, and it's going to be a long, hard road. I have an eleven week plan to get into jogging (My goal at the eleventh week is to be able to jog/run for at least 30 minutes straight). I am sticking to an eating and sleeping schedule.  I am planning my meals throughout the week, focusing on eating home-made meals and including fresh fruits and veggies throughout. I'm giving up fast food and soda pop, and as many sweets as I can muster.

It may not sound tough, but it's a complete 180 degree flip from my life right now. I'm determined, I'm able, I'm bound to succeed. There's no need to hold myself back any longer...

Day One Stats:

Woke Up: 12:30 PM

Breakfast: Vanilla Cream Whipped Yogurt, piece of toast with Nutella spread, glass of water

Work Out: The Biggest Loser Cardio Workout DVD, Level One Cardio

Lunch: Ham/Mustard/Cheese sandwich on Wheat Bread, cottage cheese with pineapple slice, and glass of chocolate milk

Snack: Special K bar
Work Out Number 2: Ten straight minutes on elliptical

Dinner: General Tso's chicken (homemade) with rice, unsweetened apple sauce, and water.

Bedtime: 3 AM