I actually got brave and weighed myself last night. I was wearing clothes and holding some stuff in my hands, lol, but I weighed the exact same weight I did when I started school back in August.
This is exciting news because I honestly assumed I had gained at least ten pounds. I feel my clothes fitting me differently recently. I think this is actually because I'm sadly losing muscle from not working out. I'm not gaining weight, YET, I'm just losing the muscle and tone that I had worked so hard to gain since April.
I HAVE TO START WORKING OUT AGAIN.
It's so hard to get motivated, for some reason. The thought of stepping on an elliptical or doing a work-out DVD just sounds like the worst idea ever.
I've become lame and lazy Gina again. How did it happen? I know I've had a lot of shit getting thrown at me in life recently, but that's not it. What will be able to kick me back into gear? I need some serious motivation. I know that exercising sucks during the act, but afterward, there's a sense of accomplishment, pride, and an endorphin rush that feels exquisite. I've forgotten how great the aftermath feels... how great it feels to buy smaller clothes... how great it feels to not rush past mirrors... how great it feels to put on nearly anything and feel sexy in it. Now I just feel like a fat ugly slob again because what was toned and had a little muscle on my body is becoming blobby jiggly fat again. :(
GINA. JUST GET BACK INTO FUCKING GEAR, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM, YOU LOSER??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?
Maybe that will work. I have to get back into the zone. Maybe someone will comment that I look like I'm gaining weight... I'll see Mom tomorrow, maybe her negative side will prove to be the kicker I need. For once, Mom, I need you to be mean!!!!! If there's anyone I can count on to be frank and honest, it's my dear Mumsie...
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