Plot Twist:
This blog is still going to focus on my personal journey to finding my own health and happiness. I hope to act as inspiration, motivation, and a source of information about how to lose weight and gain confidence and the strength to be happy. However, you loyal readers out there, all two of you, may have noticed that this blog is getting more and more personal and a place where I seem to be placing random thoughts and ramblings about goings-on in my life that may or may not have an obvious link to the topics I've covered on this blog in the past. The blog is getting more personal, I must say, because I deleted my Facebook. So instead of blurting out the random ideas in status updates and mundane rambling notes, I've taken to dumping the most impressive and interesting of them here. I try to keep this blog just for mentions of what I'm doing to become happier and healthier, but I also find myself wanting to share parts of myself that may not be helpful to YOUR personal journey. I apologize for those types of entries, if they distract or annoy you. I'll try to keep them to a minimum, but sometimes to get something off my mind, I have to dump it somewhere, and this is the only blog I have active at the moment.
Love.
Love is Strange.
Love is something I've read about, heard about, listened to songs about, dreamed about, and laughed and/or cried about.
Love is personal.
Love is grief.
Love is joy.
Love is something no one can live without.
Love isn't real.
Love makes love.
Love is all you need. If you're a Beatles' fan...
Love is.
I may not be a smart man. But I know what love is. It jumped up and bit me in the buttocks!
Ok, ok, I'm getting strange now... quoting Forrest Gump is when the cryptic introduction sentences need to stop and they shall.
I find myself at a weird emotional crossroads. I have feelings for a man. Gasp, I know. All those summers watching my friends be in love and happy and knowing that behind their knowing smiles and gentle pats on my shoulder, they were wondering if I would ever find a love like theirs. And I was wondering the very same thing. Have I found it? When will I know? Will I ever know? How do I know? Will I wake up one day with a smile and firmly nod at the ceiling, just knowing that I've found love and will have it forever?
Does love truly exist beyond Disney princesses and Ryan Gosling's adorable southern accent in The Notebook? Does love only appear when Kate Winslet cracks Leo's frozen fingers from her still-alive hand and lets him slide into the cold dark depths? Is love only a work of fiction, imagination, and story-telling? Or is it something that will happen for everyone?
Even though I have somehow stumbled across someone who happily haunts my every waking and sleeping moment, I'm still not sure. Even though I've found someone who I feel absolutely sexually compatible with, I'm still not sure. Even though I've found someone who makes me have a goofy smile on my face whenever I think of him, I'm still not sure. Even though I know if he asked, I would pack up everything I own and hop on the next plane to run into his arms, I'm still not sure. Even though I've found someone who makes me unbearably happy and then excruciatingly sad, sometimes in the very same day, I'm still not sure. Even though I've found someone who the very thought of never hearing from again makes my heart literally skip a few hundred beats in my chest and my world slide away into blank dark nothingness, I'm still not sure.
When and how will I ever know? Should I try and answer that question? In asking and seeking to answer that question, am I taking for granted just living in the moment of whatever it is I've found and just enjoying it for what it is while I have it? Does analyzing the matter ruin it?
Probably... so I won't. I won't keep asking myself the question. Am I in love? Do I love him? I know the general answer, but I'm too scared to say it out loud. I'm too scared to feel it. I'm too scared to allow it to be alive! Even though it makes me happy. It truly does.
So I won't examine or question it. That takes the fun out of it anyhow.
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