Frustrated

I, most unfortunately, have been asked to work first shift this week as opposed to my usual second shift, for relatively unnecessary training and "hands-on" experience. The reason this is exceedingly frustrating to me is that my entire schedule is flipped upside down and is now backwards. Instead of working out before I get to work and then on my lunch break at work, I get up only an hour before I have to leave for work, can't work out while at work, and then have to wait until I get home in the evenings to do any work out and by then I'm tired. My eating and sleeping schedules are also topsy turvy and everything just seems to be getting thrown off balance.

I was getting back into my groove, working out before and after work, sticking to my eating and sleeping schedule, I was doing so well! Now, it's all gone awry. I did manage to force my feet out the door this afternoon and did a nice 30 minute walk/jog around the neighborhood. It was incredibly hot, but tolerable, and I felt quite good afterward, especially as I took an ice cold shower immediately after. Tomorrow, I plan to do the same, and I hope to jog the majority of the way.

Here's my issue with jogging:
I worry too much that I look stupid doing it. I worry that I jiggle and wobble and look horrid attempting to do it. And for some reason, I worry that if I jog a bit and stop for breath and to walk instead of jog, someone will see and be judging the whale trying to flop down the street and couldn't make it all the way...

Now I know these views are ridiculous, but every runner I've ever seen on the streets and sidewalks is fit, already in shape, and has a great gait and pace set that looks like it's easy and perfect. Do I look this way running? I'm sure I don't! But I need to force myself to do it.

Running was my initial goal anyway. I wanted to get into running every day and eventually run in the Mini Marathon in Louisville next April. That sounds like a long way off, but I still haven't got the courage to jog a single block let along run five miles! So tomorrow, that is my goal. I am going to JOG, not just briskly walk, the majority of my half hour outside after work. I don't care who sees or who is watching. They aren't out there jogging or exercising, so why should I feel their (imaginary) judgment matters?

But it does to me, for some reason. Maybe it's just another excuse to keep from running, but I do want to as I'm out there, I just glace around and see someone mowing their grass or kids playing in their yards and I just swallow and briskly walk right past them, never getting past a walking pace.

But tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the day. Even if I have to listen to music and run during the choruses and walk during the verses of songs, just as long as I'm moving past a walk, I will feel so good and be working toward my ultimate goal of becoming a runner.

Next week I'm going to Florida. Unfortunately, I missed my goal of losing another twenty pounds by then. In fact, I've barely kept a pound off this whole week, but I'm not giving up. Even though while I'm in Florida, I probably won't exercise much save for swimming and walking, I will be prepared to pick up the momentum and jump right back into high gear when I return! For the rest of this week, I will do the same, and keep kicking myself in the keester so I can get my metabolism high and running and get that fat melted off of me and the muscle built onto me.