Is forty pounds lost going to be the place I lose momentum and start sliding back down the slope to miserably gaining weight and hating my body and myself? It happened the last time I made a big push to lose weight. I lost forty pounds, and before I knew it, months had gone past without a single minute of exercise being instigated and the forty pounds found it's way back onto my body and then some...
I've worked so hard to gain that ground back for myself, am I really weak enough to let it take me under again? Am I really weak enough to give up all my hard work and go back to eating Taco Bell everyday and sitting around doing nothing in my free time as opposed to exercising, planning healthy meals to eat, and working on making myself a healthier and happier person?
The simple answer is: I can't. I can't go back to how I was. I can't go back to avoiding mirrors and cute clothes and cameras and friends and family and being happy! I am getting used to those things now and turning away from them just seems like emotional suicide... To throw away all I've worked for seems the utmost crime against myself I could ever commit! I simply can't do it. There is no turning back. Going back to that dark and lonely place... that would be giving up on myself, everyone who cares about me, and my life. I might as well go to sleep and not wake up, as melodramatic as that sounds, if I allow myself to be that weak.
I made a promise that I was going to lose this weight. I have no one to blame but myself for gaining it, and no one but me is going to make it go away. This is a no-failure, success-only, self-motivated plan of attack. There's no backing down, there's no giving up, there's no weakness. This isn't the end of my journey, just a long stay at the rest stop. I've caught my breath, I've enjoyed the scenery, now it's time to pack myself up and strike out on the next phase of my journey: the next forty pounds lost.
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