I absolutely detest, as anyone with a weight loss goal in mind would, bringing myself down a few notches and facing reality. The truth is, since my last entry, I haven't worked out regularly like I've been meant to, I've been eating fast food quite a lot, and I'm letting my eating schedule get out of hand. My muffin top hovers ever-so-mightily between me and victory and it mocks me from every angle in the mirror. I'm three weeks into this fall's semester, and my well-meaning plans have petered out in the name of convenience and time constraints.
In many ways, I've been lazy about my goals. But in some ways, I can point fingers at my tight schedule as bring partially responsible. However, on the weekends when I have absolutely nothing to do, I'm still choosing to do less productive things than exercise and make meals for the rest of the week. I've let myself down so quickly, and I'm thoroughly discouraged.
So I've decided to make a new list of reasons to lose weight. My motivations may have changed some from my last list, and I want to put my priorities right here in front of my face to further motivate me to push past this barrier I've erected before myself before I've even truly gotten started...
I'll start with number five and work my way up to number one, with number one being the most important reason why I need to lose weight. List below the cut! :)
Number Five:
Improving Relations
Anyone who has read any blog of mine for any amount of time knows that I'm not shy about discussing my life, my body, and my mind. I put it all out there for the sake of human reflection and I hold nothing back. My number five reason for losing weight has to do with sex. This is no slight against my sex life as it stands. I maintain quite a healthy and boisterous love life and have for the past few years. However, I yearn for the day when I feel confident and sexy with the clothes off. I yearn for the day when I can peel my clothes off, knowing just the sight of my body excites my partner as well as myself. I yearn for the day when I can shop for sexy lingerie to model for my man and turn him on. As it stands, I typically find myself in the "duck and cover" mindset as soon as the clothes are off. The lights are switched off hurriedly and the covers pulled up tightly. I can't stand my own naked body, how can I expect my partner to? I need that to change. I need to be satisfied with my body. Now I'm not saying big girls and guys can't be body confident and sexy!!! I'm just saying that I personally do not feel that way at my current weight. If you are of a larger size and enjoy your body and so does your partner, then by all means, enjoy yourself and rock it! I need to get to a weight where I feel the same way.
Number Four:
Hair Removal
I remember this being my number one reason in my old list, and it's stumbled back a few steps this time around, but is still prevalent in my mind. As I've mentioned before, I am a woman with dark hair, thus I am cursed with the awful job of various hair removal methods on a near daily basis. These pursuits would become much easier with less weight on my body that hides certain areas from view, and also more flexibility would be helpful in these endeavors. I would also love to be confident enough in my body to feel comfortable going to a hair salon and getting waxed. That's a motivation for me because it would make my life significantly easier!
Number Three:
Clothing
Of course, a huge motivation for me to lose weight is the options, price, and styles of smaller-sized clothes. Yes, larger ladies can still wear cute outfits and look great in them, but my style tends to lean towards smaller clothes. I always find myself looking wistfully over at the juniors' sections in the clothing stores, missing the days when I could fit into those clothes. Wandering through the women's section rarely finds me clothing items I genuinely love and rather clothing items I have to have simply because I need SOMETHING to wear. I'd rather wear clothes that made me feel good, that made me feel stylish, that made me feel feminine. I have a keen sense of style, it's just that my style is apparently only made by those who design for smaller-sized women. So I have to lose this weight to be able to fit into cuter clothes and not only fit into them, but feel like I look sexy in them!
Number Two:
Happiness/Confidence
I've mentioned confidence quite a few times already in this list, and for good reason. Confidence is an important quality to have, especially as a woman. Confidence is sexy! I am fairly confident about my personality and my intelligence, but I've never, EVER, been confident in my body or my looks. I remember flashes of it appearing shyly when I lost fifty pounds last year... I HAVE TO GET TO THAT PLACE AGAIN AND PUSH PAST IT TO AN EVEN BETTER PLACE! I just have to! Confidence leads to happiness, it made me feel so wonderful and beautiful and worthwhile! I miss that so very much and I have to get that back. I want to feel like I belong on my man's arm, not like everyone sees us together and wonders why on Earth such a hunky guy is dating an ugly fat girl like me. I can't allow myself to feel that way anymore. I can't allow myself to feel like an incompent loser because I'm letting myself be lazy and stay fat. I want to be happy again, and I feel that happiness came to me very much as my confidence was being developed in me. The two go hand and hand and are a huge, huge, huge motivator for me to lose weight.
Number One:
Health
My stepdad has been diagnosed as diabetic. He's been having a lot of pain in his feet and legs and doctors are worrying about the possibility of amputation on one or even both of his feet. He is tremendously overweight, causing these terrifying health problems. I have to get myself better, for me, but also for him. Maybe in seeing me taking charge of my life and bettering myself, he'll feel motivated to help himself! Maybe if I succeed in my journey, I will have experiences and advice for him that will help him on his own journey to health. I don't want to have lived my life miserable and getting sicker and sicker as my metabolism slows and slows and I losing weight becomes more and more hard. I'm twenty-three years old, I'm at a ripe age for activity and exercise and well-being! I have to take advantage of it and become as healthy as I can possibly be! I have to learn from my mistakes and be strong enough to not make them again. Otherwise, my tomorrows will keep getting darker and darker until I end up in a hospital bed... and then the ground. Hell no, I'm picking myself up, I'm pushing myself farther, and I'm getting through this, I'M LOSING THIS WEIGHT!
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