FINALLY!

It's strange how this sudden change of mood always seems to come out of nowhere. One minute I'm avoiding the scale on my kitchen floor, carefully walking around it and not looking directly at it, while treating mirrors in my house much the same way. I dodge away from the flashbulbs of cameras and feel horrified at the results of stealthy photographers who do manage to capture my likeness on film. I'm eating terrible food constantly, and sitting around my house doing absolutely nothing with all my free time.

Then something happens, and like a switch was flipped on within me, I'm shoved into a motivated streak that has me racing toward my finish line, full of fresh energy and resilience. Its hard to put a finger on, but something within me is finally tired of being down on myself and losing all the leadway I had made for myself last year. I lost over fifty pounds last year! I've gained nearly all of it back, but why? Why did I stop my healthy habits and sink back into these embarassing and deadly ones?

I can't answer that question, I can't place my finger on it. Laziness is probably the most obvious. But today something clicked. I didn't have an exercise partner, I've given up on letting that be my excuse. I didn't have anyone tell ing me I had to exercise, or that I should. I just decided that today was my first day, and I did it. I worked hard, I concentrated, I worked my muscles, I was drenched in sweat, and I felt great.

I. Felt. Great.

I have to remember that, because I know that even in the height of weight loss, it can be hard to step on that treadmill or do those jumping jacks. I have to remember the sense of accomplishment, the rush of adrenaline, the winks in the mirror as I strut into the changing room at the gym after a hard, satisfying workout. How did I forget those feelings? I can't forget again, I simply won't...

This is important.

This is my life.

Things are going well for me in other areas of my life. I have a nice apartment and a job that allows me to afford that apartment. I have a nice car, with a new stereo. I have money for clothes, and healthy food. I have a family who loves me and is there for me however, whenever, and wherever I need them. School starts again soon and that forces me into a schedule, which is only a beneficial aspect of living healthy. The ability to obtain a higher education and a mind that is still able to learn and retain is something I am grateful for and something I look forward to putting to good use once again. My GPA rose a bit from last semester due to really great grades, so that's great. I'm in love, I have a wonderful boyfriend, FINALLY, in my life who supports me and makes me feel like I can take on the world! So there's nothing stopping me now...

Here I go!

My goals are to lose at least sixty pounds by my next birthday (February 7th, 2013) and then an additional forty by May 2013. When I reach those goals, I will reward myself with one of three trips (depending on which is most feasible and expense-appropriate):

1. Cedar Point
2. Disney Land
3. Ireland

My plan for achieving those goals are simple and will become slightly more intricate and challenging as I plod along. At first, I will give up fast food and eating out at restaurants completely, and only getting salads when eating out as a social event. I will not drink sodas or eat excessive sweets. I will eat three meals a day, with a snack in between lunch and dinner. I will make all of my meals. I will work out twice a day, fitting in at least one Biggest Loser workout DVD.

Nothing is going to stand in my way, not even myself. I'm going to live out my twenties as a happy and healthy woman!

Sudden Realization

I fell off the wagon. I'm nearly back to my worst weight. I can line up the infinite amount of excuses and blame time constraints, the weather, Chick-Fil-A's delicious chicken sandwiches, or whatever, but it all boils down to the fact that yet again, I've failed myself.

I have no one to blame but me.

But I've come to that breaking point yet again. My high school reunion was quite recently and of course, many candid photos were taken. These photos opened my eyes to the whale I've allowed myself to become again.

So I have to recover, recuperate, and rejuvenate my efforts to better my lifestyle, better my health, and better my body. I only have this one life, why do I keep allowing myself to squander it? I can't think of a better answer to that question than the obvious and most truthful one: I'm lazy.

The guilt of being so lazy, though, is starting to tip the scale against being lazy. I can't stand myself. I can't stand that outfits I used to love wearing no longer fit. I can't stand that pants that were falling off of me now create a muffin top. I can't stand that I've lost that wonderful, beautiful confidence I was steadily gaining as I lost weight less than a year ago. I'm depressed all the time now, I lack energy and drive to do much of anything. I'm back in that rut from which I had fought so bravely to climb out of before...

But I'm still alive. I'm still able. I have another chance. I have to take it. So here I go!

Things I Learned on My Recent Road Trip

Ø  Letting my boyfriend pick the music during the drive was a pleasant surprise. We have similar tastes in music and I didn’t want to jump out of the moving vehicle to end my audio-fueled misery at any point during the trip, which was a drastic change from past road trip experiences.

Ø  Driving an hour seems like an eternity while simultaneously fighting off the urge to fall asleep from allergy medications. However, as soon as one is a half hour from home, it suddenly feels not-so-impossible.

Ø  The unbearable heat wave is bearable in a car without air conditioning… so long as that vehicle is rolling down the highway at 70 miles per hour with all the windows down. As soon as the car has to slow down or stop, instantly too hot to function.

Ø  I tend to overpack for trips. I was planning on bringing sandwich meat, bread, snacks, and several water bottles in a cooler. We didn’t need any of that and never once did I miss it or wish I had brought it.

Ø There's nothing sweeter then when my boyfriend (A) holds my hand while he's driving (B) randomly reaches over to rub my arm or kiss my shoulder while I'm driving or (C) opening Gatorade and handing it to me for a sip while I'm driving. He is so amazing.

Ø  I love thumbing through old photographs and hearing stories of relatives (even when they aren’t my relatives) and times gone past. It’s enlightening, it’s important to never forget the past, and it’s great fun.

Ø  Mom will always manage to return phone calls I made four days ago while I’m trying to have a vacation.

Ø  An art supply store is to an artist what a book store is to a writer or avid reader.

Ø   A comic book store is not just for super geeks and epic nerds. There are a lot of fun and unique board games there, and also rather racy comic books, which always manage to entertain me.

Ø  I love big book stores, small book stores, any sort of book stores. I also immediately manage to find the Sexuality section before any other and then look through every book they have, wanting to take them all home.

Ø  I can sniff out a bargain bin at a book store at lightning speed.

Ø  I think I like book stores slightly more than my boyfriend likes them, which is fine.

Ø  There’s something about being in a new place that makes me feel special. I can’t explain it, even though it was only an hour away, I feel suspended from my life, like my worries are so far away and out of my mind. I’m free.

Ø  New places, new faces, new foods, new moods, it all excites me. I love new experiences!

Ø  Even when my ear causes considerable pain and misery, I can still manage to have a great time when I’m around such fun people!

Ø  My boyfriend’s family is loud, proud, funny, and I feel I’m going to fit right in, because I’m very much the same way myself.

Ø  Turoni’s pizza is very delicious.

Ø  Cette pute m’a donne les morpions. Dirty French books are hilarious, you get to learn how to say really funny phrases!

Ø  The sleep right after a trip is somehow deeper and more solid. Waking up the next day isn’t as hard, I felt very rested.

So! It's time to get back in the saddle again!

Thanks to my best friend giving me a bit of a push to get back on track, the love of a man who is ecstatic to be with me as I am today, but supports and understands my drive to get healthier, and my dad's recent hospital visit wherein he discovered his sugar levels were off the charts and he is now a diabetic... I'm determined to drop the 100 pounds that are plaguing my body, my life, my mind, and my heart.

I have to be rid of it. It's going. This time next year, it will be gone, for good, always and forever. :)

This blog is going to help me do it. It was always the link to my motivation and drive to bettering myself. By posting my goals in this blog, and keeping track of my daily advances, I stuck to my guns and lost 50+ pounds last year. This year, I'm upping the ante a bit and am determined to lose 100 pounds by May 2013.

My methods are rather simple:
> Working out twice a day, five days a week.
> Removing fast food, excess sweets, and sodas from my diet.
> Making all of my meals myself.
> Sticking to an eating schedule.

Sounds like a long list, but its all doable and becomes habit after a couple of weeks of doing it. I have a month until my fall semester starts, so that's plenty of time to make these lifestyle changes into habits that I'll carry through the school semester. School always seems to be the hurdle for me, but I can't put off becoming healthy for the rest of my educational career... Its simply NOT an option.

I can get decent grades, go to school full-time, work full-time, and exercise everyday and eat my own home-made meals, right? Sure I can, people do all those things and more everyday. I'm thinking of mothers, especially, who raise kids, work two jobs or more, go to school, and still find time to be healthy. I am doing this. There's no turning back!

So here I goooooooooo! :)

Today's Stats:
Woke Up: 1 PM
Lunch: Two ham sandwiches on wheat bread with mayo and spicy brown mustard. Water to drink.
Snack: Quaker Oatmeal To Go Brown Sugar Cinnamon
Exercise: 35 mins elliptical (2.4 miles, burned 334 calories)
Dinner: Chicken Ramen Noodles. Water.

Day One and Two

The school semester is winding down, affording me precious energy and time to jump back into weight loss. I couldn't be more excited! Here's a re-cap of the last two days.

Wed. April 18th, 2012
Ate turkey wrap and chips/salsa
CafeSteamer

Exercised 30 minutes on the elliptical

Thurs. April 19th, 2012
Ate turkey sandwich and chips/salsa
CafeSteamer for dinner

Exercised 15 minutes (run/jog) on the treadmill, 15 minutes on the elliptical, about 20 mins clogdancing

Gina Getting Her Groove Back!

They say the world may end this year. Oddly enough, 2012 has seen a drastically different Gina than the girl who lived just a few years ago… I wear makeup now. I care about how my clothes fit and look on my body. I accessorize. I worry about my weight and then actually do things about it! I fall in love and out of love. I emphasize my assets and direct attention away from my faults (which I somehow no longer see as my entire body, head to toe, just a select few things here and there). I speak up in public about issues I have an opinion about, whether that be a topic in a classroom discussion or a problem being put forth at work by my boss or a co-worker. I don’t keep friends around who belittle or estrange or annoy me. The people in my life are positive forces that make me a better person and I hope I return the favor. I stride toward the future and seek knowledge. I don’t shy away from challenges and new experiences. 

My life is my own, I’m in the driver’s seat, I make all the executive decisions. I sometimes fall, I sometimes stumble, I sometimes stop; but I just as soon recuperate, rejuvenate, and start forward again.  What or who can I thank for such changes?  

Myself. I woke up one morning, one magical life-changing morning, and decided enough was enough. I was tired of being so tired. I was disgusted with myself for letting laziness and lack of drive rule my life. I woke up wondering where Gina had stopped being Gina and had begun being an excuse. 

If you want something bad enough, you’ll make it happen. If not, you’ll make excuses. Excuses no longer stop my life in its tracks. My life has become about nothing more than living. Join me?

From the dark-red ashes, shall arise a phoenix of life and light

New Body, New Me Initiative

For the past few weeks I have wandered pretty listlessly through life, badgered constantly by a heavy cloud that seems to follow me around, relentlessly, wherever I go. Even into my house, most especially into my house, to hover so close its suffocating me, as I crawl into bed to sleep at night. Depression is not something I like to allow into my life. I banish those dark fears in my head, banish them behind empty laughter and half-bright smiles. I don't want people to know I'm hurting. I want to be strong, happy, and healthy, but sometimes... that dark impenetrable cloud just won't go away.

But determination wells within me because my skin yearns for the sun again. I'm not a person accustomed to being in darkness always. I need sunlight, I need fresh air, I need joy. And now is that time. I'm taking back what was mine. I'm taking back my own pride, my own satisfaction, my own joy! I'm not letting a little heartbreak, a few detrimental blows to my self-esteem and ego hold me down and break my stride. Baby, I'm strutting back into my own limelight. I need more positive energy into my life and the easiest way to find that?

By being happy and healthy, of course! Healthiness leads to happiness and vice versa. When the body is healthy, the mind can be happy, and there's no other way around that. I can see my achievements slipping from my grasp and I simply can't let that happen. I'm not ready to be fat, ugly, gross, and disappointed in myself. I'm ready to gain back what I have achieved and move ahead, move forward, move toward a new body and a new me.

Thus begins the New Body, New Me Initiative. Phase Two of the Happy Healthy Gina plan was a flop. I didn't stick to any of my goals, I wasn't successful. So I need a new mind-set, a new place to race toward, a new day to begin! And here I am. School and work have dominated the last few weeks of my life, and lazily, I have allowed that to be so. But there are still a few hours in my days that I'm letting go to waste. Yes, I need time to do homework and time to also relax. But I'm taking too much time for the relaxing bit and not enough time for the homework bit and DEFINITELY not enough time for the happiness/healthiness bits...

I have to take back my time, take back my drive, and take back what is rightfully mine: success.

My plan is to cut out fast food and sodas completely, sticking to home-made meals and water to drink. I also plan to fit in at least one workout a day, two workouts a day on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.

Monday/Wednesdays - treadmill or elliptical night
Tuesday/Thursdays - Workout DVD (or walk/jog, weather permitting) morning / treadmill or elliptical night
Friday/Saturday/Sunday - Workout DVD (or walk/jog) morning / treadmill or elliptical at night